Entry 10: Feeling the Answer
The death of baby James cut through me deeply. There was the initial stab of grief but then, a constant throbbing of pain continued, a kind of connection with Mary Ann that I had not anticipated when I set out on my genealogical journey. I felt one with her and the answer to the question that had plagued me for several months was coursing through my veins, the fate of Mary Ann Symons and Mary Jane Davey. I now knew the answer. Without ever searching for the paper trail, their untimely deaths surged through the strands of my DNA. Perhaps it had always been there, and I had been unwilling to admit the awful truth. Despite the intense “knowing” within me, I had to see the records.
Admittedly my hands were shaking as I searched for their names in the death registry, but this was not an anxious shake for I already knew the answer. This was a mournful shaking.
Suddenly I felt fortunate; and the colliding of events and decisions almost overwhelmed me. Death had swept through Liskeard. In a house on Higher Lux Street, two daughters were taken. Two children remained. One of the spared was my great great grandmother. And Mary Ann was far along in a pregnancy that would welcome the grandfather of a treasured part of my young life into the world. These are the inexplicable accidents of the past that interconnect in such a way to form us and even allow our existence. Is this by design? In some mysterious fashion, like the colors of a kaleidoscope, these events, sorrows, joys, and wrenching decisions, had woven fate into our ancestral portrait of today.